Note, this is all done in fun, liberal :-) throughout, no serious offense intended

Mike Allexenberg

 Hi all,

This is the Andy Young Program (tm).  Getting into  the spirit of all the AARs on the BAASL list, I  thought I'd add an AAR of what I did this past weekend.

Friday morning I got up at the ungodly hour of 11 AM, hungover eyes so bleary that I could barely avoid stepping on all the empty beer cans in my bedroom.  Who schedules these freakin' 12 noon tee times anyways?!?!?  Headed down to Ponkapoag for 9 holes.  That course completely diced me, I was playing so well, but every time I thought I was going to break through, my freakin' clubs would dice me, hitting balls into sand traps or the woods.  By hole 7 the clubs were dicing me so bad I had tears of frustration running down my face as I threw my 3 wood into a pond and stalked off the course.

Friday night I head home and reorganize my clubs in my golf bag, clipping their grips so there were no unsightly corners.  Then I went out  prowling the neighborhood bars in Slumerville,  trying to score 40 year old divorced women.  I  thought I was going to pull out a victory over  one toothless crone, but I had one too many Busch beers, which put me over the CVP cap, and I passed out on the bar floor in a pile of peanut shells.

Saturday afternoon I woke up when the bar owner came back to reopen the joint at 1 PM.  Christ, I was gonna have to hurry to make my 2 PM tee time at Leo J Martin.  Good thing I sorted out all my clubs the night before.  I spent 4 hours trying to make heads or tails out of that unbalanced dog of a course!  The artwork on the tee signs was non-standard and confusing.  The holes didn't follow in order, started off OK - 1, 2, 3, 5. 5?!?!  Where the hell is hole 4?  The SSRs are unclear, the damn campaign rules have holes in  them big enough to drive a golf cart through. Geez, this happens every time I play at this  course, why is the quality so bad on this freakin'  course!!!  I will pay top $$$ for high quality golf!  Nevertheless, I am an addict, and will show up next week at this course, maybe the quality will be better.

Saturday night is my weekly night sniffing around MIT, hunting hairy overweight MIT engineering co-eds.  Sure, the attacking males outnumber the defending females by 2 squads to 1, but once weight is taken into consideration the odds are 1:1, so I feel this is a balanced fight.  My early afternoon  tequila buzz is wearing off, so I immediately CX  some Busches.  It's getting near the end game, and  I've got a good shot at reaching this co-ed's victory location, but my fucking dice fail me again, and my support weapon malfs in the last turn Prep Fire.  I try to move into the victory location anyways, but get hung up on some wire, roll a crappy wire movement dr, and am hung up outside the victory location.  Damnable dice!!

Sunday afternoon is my last chance for a victory this weekend, so I chase away remnants of the previous night's hangover with a couple Canadian Club & Busch boilermakers.  I look over the scenario list in the Sunday Globe to try to pick one where I'd have a good chance at victory.  Ah ha!  Protests in the Back Bay at a biotech conference!  This scenario looks meaty, all I have to do is hunt down some unshaven granola lesbians.  Hmmm, their protest costumes have pretty thick armor, but if I get some flank shots in from my HIP gun, I'll have a chance. I get in the Back Bay and realize this scenario is an unbalanced dog!  Obviously it's never been playtested.  It's so crowded down there that I don't even have enough MFs to reach the lesbians in the turns alloted, much less try to penetrate them. The damn boliermakers are adding modifiers to my straying DRs, and I can't get out of this crowd. Dusk falls, the variable scenario ending came early due to my crappy dice, and I can't even locate the lesbians in time.  Who designed this piece of crap? The same people who designed the Leo J Martin  course?  Why can't they spend time for playtesting, I will pay for quality scenarios!!!

Frustrated and smelling like a genetically engineered tomato, I skulk home, winless for the weekend.  Once again I was diced, from my clubs, to the course, to the scenario design!  I did everything right, but couldn't buy a freakin' break!  Argh, this game frustrates me so!!!

Love and Kisses, Freekboy